The Lost Files

Found this blog post in my computer from 3 months ago in Cambodia. Whoops, forgot to upload.


Last week of Outreach

In less than a week I will begin my travels back to the States. I know it would be cliche to start the next sentence with "time has flown by" or "I cannot believe it is already over", but that is truly how I feel. I feel like I blinked and 11 weeks went by. So, get ready America. Here I come.

Looking back on the 3 months being here I decided the best way to recap was to make a "top 10 things" list. Except, I have about 30 "tops" so it might be quite long. It will include my favorite memories, favorite things, favorite people. There will probably be no rhyme or reason to it, but when do my blogs ever have rhyme or reason? So, here goes nothing...

TOP THINGS I HAVE LOVED/STILL DO LOVE ABOUT OUTREACH:
1. Getting the opportunity to preach the Gospel and then leading a corporate salvation prayer for 10 Khmer. Oh, did I mention this was the week of my 21st birthday? Epic birthday party on Earth AND in Heaven. The Khmer were so open and ready to hear about the name of Jesus, and then commit their lives to Him. I think after 11 weeks, we saw over 70 Khmer give their lives to the Lord.

2. Spending my 21st birthday in Cambodia. First off, who the heck does that? It started with banana pancakes in the morning (I knew right then it would be a good day), and then the girls on my team took me to get a manicure. There is a ministry in Battambang that rescues girls from sex trafficking and they all live in a house together. They learn the trade of cosmetology, which gives them jobs and let's them live in a safe community where they can learn about the love of Jesus. The girls were incredible and it was such a blessing to spend my birthday with them. Later in the day, they brought me red roses to my house. Tears were definitely shed. As if the day could not get better, my students at the University threw a surprise birthday party in my English class. It was so precious to see how excited they were to bless me with a cake and presents, not to mention, incredible fellowship. Now, I know this doesn't exactly follow the traditional 21st birthday celebration that occurs in America, but I have never been one to follow tradition :)

3. All of my English students. We have become such a little family, have become so open with one another, and we goof around together. Friday is going to be such a hard day saying goodbye.

4. Driving a tuk-tuk. I FINALLY got the courage up to ask if I could drive it, and let me just say my next big purchase in the states will be this fine crafted automobile.

5.Watching all of my students graduate. We had a graduation ceremony and everyone dressed up and brought their families. I couldn't be a more proud mama. They are going to go change a lost world. I believe it.


6. Teaching at the village. Yes, sometimes I would complain about the 110 degree heat, and the steel roof over my head that made it even hotter. Sometimes my gag reflex would go up because of the cuts on my kids feet that I had to bandage up, since there is no doctor or hospital. Sometimes I felt extremely uncomfortable eating the food that was offered to me at the local houses (it is disrespectful to say no). Even with all that said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the village. I love the smell of the rain there. I love the feel of the dirt road as the tuk-tuk drives us into the jungle. I love the sound my kids yelling "HELLO!! HELLO!" when we drive up. I will miss this place.

7. My classroom at the University. I changed my curriculum everyday to fit my "teaching style". Goodbye to boring note taking, and hello to Kellye singing to the class, and having my students dictate every word I sing. What? It teaches them to listen and write even better. And, I get to practice my singing. Both parties win.

8. Receiving flowers every day when class starts. My little girls will pick flowers and make headbands, bracelets, and bouquets everyday before class. My future husband needs to take note.

9. Becoming best friends with the most beautiful woman I know, Kelli Thomas. We have shared a twin size bed for the past 3 months so it was inevitable we became close. We have been through so much, clung to Jesus, and to each other. I am so blessed to have met her on this incredible journey. (cue the tears)

10. Praying for the sick!!! (NOW, know this list of top 10 is really not in order, because praying for the sick was my favorite). Kelli and I would sprint around the market and look for people in casts and wheelchairs. Sure, they had no idea what we were praying over them, but that just made it less nerve-wrecking to call upon the fire of God to fall and heal them. It's what He told us to do: "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead". THEN, we get to testify of WHO He is, and lead people into relationship with Him.


CAMBODIA. It's been fun. I will miss you.

Sweet Revelation

Majority of this weekend, I just sat in the prayer room at IHOP (check it out: www.ihop.org) in Kansas City, soaking in His presence. All I asked for was fresh revelation on life, my ministry and even the season I am in. So, I thought I would share some of it with you:

Matthew 12:33
"Either make the tree good, and it's fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit."

I spent a week at my mom's house recently. One day, my stepdad took me to pick pears. Instead of going to a tree close to their house, or even settling for apples from the apple tree in the front yard, we drove to a different pasture to a specific tree that he knew had the best fruit.

At the time, I thought it was rather silly. A pear tree is a pear tree. We had to get in the truck and drive to a specific one? This one tree was hidden in a pasture, and how he ever found it, I have no idea.

The Lord reminded me of this, and begin to give me revelation on how my own life looked. Am I producing good fruit? Can people see the fruit I am producing? Am I attracting people by my fruit? What kind of tree am I?

How do I become like a tree that bears good fruit?

Abiding in His love.
"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me, you can do nothing." John 15:2


Positioning myself to be pruned
"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit He takes away and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:5

(He gave me His best when Jesus died on the cross, so I want to give Him my best on this Earth. So, I asked Him for specific, strategic ways to produce good fruit in my daily life.)

Daily Application:

1.Saturation in the Word. Going deeper in the Word than I ever have before.
2. Ministering to His heart daily. Worshipping Him simply because He is God. There is a time for Thanksgiving, and a time for adoration. I want to spend time daily adoring Him because of His nature and His character alone. (This revelation came from my wise best friend, Kaytlyn Johnson.)
3.Lifestyle of Fasting. Denying myself simple comforts in order to draw closer to Him.
4. Kingdom Values. Applying the Beatitudes (Matthew 5) to every area of my life. Hungering and thirsting for righteousness.
5. Eternal Mindset. Fixing my eyes on eternal things over things on this Earth that please me temporarily.


There is a difference in producing good fruit, and being known by the fruit you produce.

I want to be known by it.

Song Vomit

I can't stop it..
It just keeps coming...
song vomit.

Since I have been home, I have been glued to my piano. It's like when you have been away from a boyfriend or girlfriend for a long period of time, and so when you get home, all you want to do is be with that person. It's almost sickening, and your other friends get mad...

Well, that's my relationship with my piano. Gone for so long, now I won't leave her side.

The Lord has given me song after song since I have been back from Cambodia. While I was there, I didn't write, other than in my journal. Being in the nations= creative juices galore.


I will let you sample some of the tasty treats that have been an overflow from God's heart for the nations and my time in Cambodia:


(The inspiration for this one came from spending a day in a Buddhist temple. Inside, there was a gold statue of the "reclining Buddha" that was about half a football field long, and close to 60 feet tall. The sight of it was unbearable. My heart exploded and I was undone. I became sick with the idea that these people were giving their lives to a false idol. My eyes filled with tears and I couldn't talk to anyone around me. I just kept whispering over and over again "Jesus you are the only one for me... you are the only one".

We are in relationship with the Living God. He is the only one who conquered death)



You're the One

I hold my breathe as I walk past them,
Casting down their crowns of Gold.

I look past the sea of glass,
it's better than my eye can behold.

With their wings they fly on past me,
point to the King of Kings.

You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
For me.

No rainstorm could have prepared me for,
the way your thunder feels.

No lightshow could ever let my eye know
The way your lightning burns.

You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
For me.

There He sits on His perfect throne,
clothed in majesty.

And then they sing out their perfect love song,
I join them in a 5 part harmony.

And we sing...

"Holy, is the Lord God Almighty
Holy, is the Lord God Almighty."

And then I see Him, the perfect Lamb,
slain for my sins.

And then I see Him, the perfect Lamb,
slain for my sins.

You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
For me.

You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
You're the one, You're the one, You're the One.
For me.


Here is a video of another song I wrote with my dear friend Rachael Turner last week:

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True Life: I am an English teacher.

English was always my best subject in school. Now, please don’t judge this statement off of my blog posts. This things are chalked full of grammatical errors, run on sentences, there is no real structure to my paragraphs, and I will randomly CAPITALIZE everything. So, there you go. But, I promise I loved English and always got A’s.

Let’s take it back a few years as to why English was always my strong suit. I have a mother whose degree is in journalism. Do you know what that does to a kid? Most 6 year olds who throw a fit at a restaurant get taken to the public bathroom for a “spanking”. Most 8 year olds who talk back to their parents get sent to their room with no television. Don’t eat your dinner? Standard punishment would be no desert. Pretty common disciplines. NOT at my house. If I didn’t share my toys, I would have to write an essay about it. Got a note home from my teacher saying I wasn’t “playing well at recess”? Wrote an essay about it. I’m talking this was our MAJOR form disciplining.

I am sure you are thinking, “If it was always your punishment, how could you end up loving it?” Ya, I don’t really know the answer to that question. And honestly, I don’t think my mom even looked at it as punishment. It just went along with her “hippie” style parenting methods. Most mothers were teaching table manners, my mom was letting us finger paint at the dinner table while eating our chicken fingers. Other girls were learning how to braid their own hair and match clothes… I was still wearing my Spice Girls Halloween costumes to school. I don’t even know if she would justify it to the other moms; I think she just wanted to raise me different. So, away with the spankings, and hello to “expressing your feelings on paper.”
Now, as I got older, the essays didn’t stop. The actually came with criteria and she would even grade them. The best was when she got the brilliant idea of sharing them at the dinner table. This would help us work on our public speaking. So, one at a time, my brothers and I would stand up and read our “assignments” aloud. The topics would vary:

Owen’s assignment: Why is it important to NOT lock your sister in the bathroom while she is getting ready for school.
Zac’s topic: Why is it NOT a good idea to zip Owen in a sleeping bag and shove him down the stairs.
Kellye: Do you really think it’s appropriate to wake your brothers up at 5:00 am by belting out the opening number of Les Miserables at the side of their bed?

Whatever the topic was, there was always a main theme to these fun little assignments: “What have you learned from this situation?” And of course, “How will you make sure it doesn’t happen again”

Now, as we got older the public speaking part of the program became much more entertaining. My older brother Zac and I would have a running competition on who could incorporate the BIGGEST vocab words. Our goal was to have it chalked full of huge words so that our parents could literally not understand the speech. I am not sure why. We would spend an extra 30 minutes looking through the thesaurus just to try to win. I looked through the box of papers from our childhood and our papers wouldn’t even make sense. But, I remember feeling so accomplished knowing that my “gaffe” beat his “error of judgment” at the end of the speech. Weird kids. Don’t judge us.

I must admit, this method of parenting really worked. By the end of dinner, we were hugging it out and sometimes shed a few tears. We learned how to communicate effectively and became pretty good at confrontation. And most importantly, learned how necessary a thesaurus is in every day life. ☺

Anyhow, I never had the desire to study English in college, or follow in the footsteps of my mom and become a journalist. I honestly thought all it was good for was journaling and blogging. And I would maybe pass down the discipline to my kids. But I never saw myself using it on a daily basis. Then, I came to Cambodia.
I know I have mentioned that I teach English here. I knew it would be a part of my summer, but I envisioned teaching little kids words like “sun”, “dog”, “and cat”. Maybe using some picture cards and some fun songs. Instead of little kids, I got University students. Instead of words like “cat” and “dog”, I got Level 8 English students whose lessons are on “Irregular Past Participles Ending in –En”.

So, thanks mom. I knew our dinners would come in handy one day ☺

CAMBODIAN COMFORTS

I know it has been years since I have blogged. I will go ahead and plead my case as a disclaimer. Get my excuses out of the way….

1. I don’t have internet
2. Number 1 is a slight lie… I have internet on Saturdays
3. By the time I get online on Saturday and check my Gmail, my endless Facebook notifications, millions of tweets, and hours of skyping family members that have been neglected all week, I am just so worn out that I forget to blog.
So there you go. Mom, go ahead and rebuke me. Dad, I can hear you speaking your infamous “Excuses are like butt holes” quote after reading this disclaimer. Go ahead people, speak it out.

So, there we go. I am in Cambodia. What’s it like? There are so many emotions that are stirred up when I think about explaining what being in this nation is like. Honestly, sometimes it is too much to handle, so I just bust out in a song and dance from the Jungle Book. It’s the strangest thing knowing I am in the middle of the jungle a million miles from home. But, there is no amount of homesickness that a rendition of “Bear Necessities” can’t fix.
I spent 6 hours skyping my family this Saturday. It was fun answering all of their questions about being here. I will give you a run down of my favorite answers to their questions:

1. Why yes, it is hard to not have hot showers.
2. Air conditioning? What is that?
3. No, the toilets DON’T look like the ones in America.
4. No, Dad. They don’t have any “cool old cars” and “no, I rarely see a 1963 Chevy”.
5. Washers and Dryers? OH, you mean buckets and a clothesline. I must have heard you wrong.
6. Yes, it is quite hot here. I sweat through about 2-3 shirts a day. Normal.
7. My favorite dish has definitely been the fried grasshoppers. Or even the chicken heart I found in my soup today.
8. If I could get a care package of ANYTHING, it would be about 100 more bottles of bug spray. Rainy Season in Cambodia=Kellye gets attacked by 1,000 mosquitoes a day.

My comforts have definitely been stripped. I don’t have the things of home that I usually cling to. The basics: My big comfy bed, my room full candles (that smell WAY better than my room of sweat I am living in now), my cell phone, instant access to the internet, a dishwasher, and maybe some homemade strawberry jello that my grandma makes me every week. Just some BASICS, people, THE BASICS. Other comforts: seeing my amazing family everyday, having my grandma fix me every meal, watching TV shows at night with my grandpa, going to my brother’s baseball games, spending the weekends with my dad at the lake, and going to the farm to visit my mom. I never even recognized these things as comforts. It has taken me being here to distinguish what I clung to when I was feeling sad, or needed comfort.


At first, the comforts of daily things being stripped created homesickness, which is funny because I never got homesick as a kid. It was actually the opposite. I would get restless in the summer if I wasn’t attending at LEAST 3 camps. I loved traveling and getting away, and looked forward to spending time away from home. But, being in Cambodia is definitely not like High School Camp in Florida. I don’t have a pretty beach to lie out on, I don’t have food that I recognize, I don’t have my mom there as the “camp photographer”. But know that I have been in a 3rd world country for the beginning of my summer; I can see how the mixture of culture shock, and no comforts can create homesickness.

Okay, hold the phone. Stop feeling sorry for me. What I am trying to get to is the moral of the story, but I see everyone rolling their eyes while I am trying to dramatize how “rough” it is here. So, I’ll move to the moral.
Being here, stripped of comforts, not being able to lean on ANYTHING I am used to when I am feeling emotional has made me lean fully on Jesus. When I am feeling homesick, there is no comfort to fix it, just Jesus. When I am feeling hungry, and I don’t like the bowl of Ramen noodles I am giving for breakfast (it’s Asia people), there is no other comfort, just Jesus. When I am feeling sick because my digestive system has pretty much hated me for the past 4 weeks (I won’t give gruesome details) there is no comfort of a doctor, just Jesus. When I am feeling tired, and just want to go home and crawl into bed, there is not my normal comfort, just Jesus. When I just really want the normalcy of home, I literally CANNOT have it.

My relationship with the Lord changed drastically in Kona. But, I really think I will never be the same after leaving Cambodia. I have realized how blessed I am, how thankful I am for EVERYTHING I own, and how grateful I am for my relationship with the Lord. I have definitely learned a lot more than that just being here, and I will totally include those things in the next post… But I really feel like this is a season of realization for me.

I AM BLESSED.

GLORY WEEKEND

Last week was the 7th week of class out here in Kona, Hawaii. I have been here for a total of 9 weeks and looking back I can't believe how much has happened in such a short amount of time.

So, Week 7 was the busiest week thus far. We had our regular schedule of working in the cafe, class, prayer room, corporate worship, community outreach, small groups and One-on-One's. On TOP of that (not sure which word would be emphasized but TOP sounded like a good one.) we have an excellent teaching team that came in from Taiwan to teach us how to prepare sermons for Outreach. So everyday from 1-3 I learned how to effectively write and present a sermon. At first I wasn't sure if I would ever need this, but it ended up being SO interesting. I know in Cambodia I will be in situations where I will have to give my testimony, lead worship, lead intimate groups in bible study so the teaching came in handy!! GO TAIWAN TEACHING TEAM.

Needless to say, this weekend was MUCH needed. On Friday night I helped out a little in the cafe where the cutest little Open Mic Night. I usually work early in the mornings, so it was so much fun to be in a different enviroment at night. I have fallen in love with the cafe. My mom worked at Starbucks in high school and she always came home radiant, smelling of coffee and smiling like a lunatic. I now understand why. It is so stinkin fun to make people happy by making their Chai Latte tasting divine.

Afterwards, I went and hung out with the lovely April Cossey. We stayed up late, watched tv shows on Hulu, and drank Dr. Pepper. It was WILD AND CRAZY.

Saturday, my school went on a "field trip" to the beach. Who the heck takes a field trip to the beach? My best trip in school was when we got to go to the 100 year old schoolhouse and re-inact the land run. Bring your own stakes, and covered wagons and sprint across a huge field in awesome outfits that your grandmother would make you. That's my kind of field trip. So, I consider myself INSANELY blessed that I got to pile into a school bus and lay out all day. That's why I never liked college. Oklahoma City University should have added a "sunbathing, cliff diving, snorkeling" class and I would have had perfect attendance.
Best thing about the beach day: got over my fear of jumping off cliffs. Sure, It was only like 15 feet high, but I jumped alright. And I LOVED IT! So much so that next weekend I am going straight for the 60 footers.
Saturday night I enjoyed a DELICIOUS meal of steak and potatoes cooked by the radiant Troi Barnum. I can only handle so much campus food before my stomach starts audibly screaming "I just want a steak". So, good thing she heard the cry and could help :)

Time out.. I feel like this post is like those people who make their facebook statuses every little thing they do throughout the day. You know the ones I am talking about.. "just tied my shoe!", "just ate a BLT for lunch", "just showered and now picking out what I am going to wear". Is it wrong that I usually end up deleting these people? I don't need to know everything you do throughout the day.. but apparently I want you all to know everything I did this weekend. Oh, well, its too late to start a new post.

SUNDAY. I like to call it sunday funday. Woke up, went on a 6 mile power walk with Lindy Conant. and then went back to Kristen's and stuffed my face with blueberry pancakes. Heaven definitely has blueberry pancakes. And, you won't need to exercise before you eat them. I CAN'T WAIT.

Basically, my weekend was epic. So refreshing and much needed. But, I am back in the flow of class and everything again. I am about to start writing my book report over Heidi Baker's book Always Enough. Next post will most likely be about that since every page has made me cry. No joke.

Love Love Love,
Kellye

OBSESSED

This is my current read. ( Crazy Love by Francis Chan) I actually opened the book, and on the first page fell in love with what it had to say. So much so, that I went on Amazon.com and bought a copy for my older brother for his birthday. Risky, since I was still on the first page, but I'm still perfectly happy with it.

The first chapter completely shifted my paradigm of what it meant to pray. Majority of us say a quick prayer in the morning, before each meal, and if we are really lucky, get an hour of quiet time in and call it good. But, even in that "quiet time" we are just making alot of noise and lifting our worries and needs to the Lord. We are called to worship Him. We have become so immune to the creation around us, and even the beauty in our own lives, that we miss so many opportunities to praise Him that we focus only on casting our cares to the feet of Jesus. Once this revelation soaked into my heart, my prayers have been completely shifted. No more giving my daily worries to Him, but in turn worshipping Him.

Sidenote:
Let this just set in and shift your paradigm a little....
We are made in the likeness of Christ. (Gen 1:26) So, if Christ lacks nothing, then we lack nothing. Then why are our prayers filled with things like "o Lord, heal the sick." or "Lord take this pain away"? Why are we lifting up weak requests to God instead of acknowledging who we are in Christ, and then DECLARING that we have power over sickness, power over pain? Can you imagine being one of the disciples, walking with Jesus for 3 years, seeing signs, wonders, miracles and then having Him look at you and say "It's better that I go and I send the Holy Spirit to be with you". What the heck could be better than having Jesus walk on Earth in the flesh next to you? I can't imagine how they felt. But yet we need to receive this revelation and proclaim that Jesus himself said that when the Holy Spirit comes, we will be able to greater things than Him. Because instead of one Jesus, in one spot on the Earth, we have the Holy Spirit living inside each one of us. AHHHH Mind Blowing!!!

Back to the book...
Chapter 8 is called "Profile of the Obsessed". (Now, I am really bad at the whole citing thing in literature.. so bare with me cause there might be some paraphrasing going on. I know my mother might be the only one who really reads this blog so I shouldn't care.. but since she is a journalism major and English teacher, I will probably get a phone call or two addressing my lack of citing... and this ridiculous run-on sentence. Just love me mother)

Obsessed: To have the mind excessively preoccupied witha single emotion or topic.

Now, I have been obsessed with a few things in my lifetime...
Third grade: Zac Hanson.
ALL of elementary school: wanting to be a Spice Girl
Right now: Cheetah print everything.

Now, what if I was completely OBSESSED with prayer. What if I was OBSESSED with worship? Most of you know how singing is an active part of my life. I have always been on a stage, always had a microphone in my face, am always singing even when I don't realize it. It's become so habitual that I have even been caught singing my order at to the cashier at Taco Bell. I want that same obsession, that same love of doing one specific thing and being consumed by it to be in my prayer life. That I become a habitually obsessed prayer warrior that I don't even realize when I am interceding for someone. That it will just flow out of my mouth

A person who becomes OBSESSED with Jesus starts to look like Jesus. It will overflow into other aspects of your life. Now, I totally admit that I have alot more transformation and healing to go through until I look like Jesus, but I DO KNOW that He has put a burning hunger in my heart after reading this book to start stirring up things in my life to become obsessed with him.

I understand this post is kind of like my comeback to my blog. If I ever go a couple days without tweeting I feel obligated to make a comeback with an awesomely funny tweet. Because, if I am really honest, my tweets are HILARIOUS. So, today I feel a little obligated to make this post an epic comeback. To tell everyone how much the Lord has done in my life since I have began living in Kona. But, that would take all day and night and nobody wants to read three pages of my past 5 weeks.

Here it is in a jist.
1. I have experienced new freedom in Jesus.
2. I have encountered Jesus in a way that I can't write into words. I might not ever be able to talk about the way He encountered me on May 12th, 2010.
3 .I was baptized in the Holy Spirit in April 2008, but have been lukewarm in walking in the fullness of the Spirit. NOT ANY LONGER MY FRIENDS. I will walk in signs and wonders and miracles and healings and pray loud in tongues (which probably freaks many of my family members out) but I am a lover of Jesus, and if he walks in those things, then so do I.
4. Forgiveness is true Freedom.
5. The Lord has shown me my original design and I am walking in it and no longer buying into the lies of the Enemy.
6. Now, this one might stir up some controversy and offend some, but Jesus came to offend and make us feel uncomfortable.. so BOOM here it is: I AM A LOVER OF JESUS. If that looks like a charismatic to you, call me charismatic. I dance, and shout, and speak in tongues.

Whew.

This book was the first one assigned to me through my school. I have two others that I cannot wait to read, but I am going to meditate on this one and the Word for awhile. Because it is bringing me some heavy revelation.

LOVE LOVE LOVE,
Kellye Rae


www.crazylovebook.com
(I encourage you to watch the videos on the homepage. Especially "Awe Factor"