Everyone has these seasons of life. Seasons of struggle. Seasons that seem to never end. Seasons that make you feel at the very bottom, starving for light and some air to your lungs.
I know for my family, it has been like that. Wishing that something would break. Wishing you could finally start coming to the surface for oxygen and hope. But, somehow, you get pushed back under before you can fully fill your lungs.
I don't have an epic pep talk for those who feel like this. Those cliche christian messages of hope never work for me in my seasons of darkness. The "wandering in the wilderness", about to reach your "promised land, just hold on a little longer" speeches just don't do it for me.
I want raw God in those moments. I want him to show up in the flesh and pick me up off the floor. I want to open my eyes, in the darkness of my bedroom, and see a Jewish man stretching out his arms, offering some kind of tangible hope. I want seraphim and living creatures of the book of Acts flying around my house. A supernatural occurrence that offers hope to my heart that God is alive and real.
Looking back on "seasons" of my life, I can see light at the end. From experience, I know it gets better. If only I could grasp perspective and tell my now-self that there too will be light in this one.
I wrote this song a few months ago, while feeling like I was in the midst of a storm. It's only a little snippet of it, but the part at the end always brings me hope that there is an out. The revelation that these seasons are here to strengthen your soul. Holding on for dear life, that the storms will bring life instead of drown us. Believing that rain is a good thing. And hoping the winds are on our side.
So, take a listen. And do it with grace, for my piano is probably older than you.
CHASING THE STORM:
I've never done this, so excuse me for asking you to say it again.
Could you tell me you love me?
I've never been there, so my heart is unaware of the way to respond,
when you say things like your scared.
These storms are drowning me out.
These winds are taking the words right out of my mouth,
Can you hear me? I said that I love you.
I know the lightning can hurt.
The pain of my words is gridded through my doubts and fears.
But, believe me.
I promise you one day
I'll respond in a new way
Cause the rain only comes for a drought
I'm convinced more than ever now
The rains will bring life
the winds will subside
and baby we'll make it.
If we face it.